The endtimes aren't what they used to be

:wumpscut:, Schädling
Crikey, this one's a stinker. "Schädling" sits on the mellow end of the :w: spectrum, with none of the classic club-oriented endzeit crunch, but the latest from the non-papal Ratzinger also utterly lacks the evocative ambience of "Cannibal Anthem". After that record and the equally respectable "Body Census", we're squarely back to a "Bone Peeler" level of craptitude. Embarrassing vocals drown out any subtle flourishes that Rudy might have crafted into the tracks, but nothing here could go half a round with any halfway memorable :w: cut you'd care to mention. The only bright spot is the instrumental "Hard To Bear", which deftly constructs a traditional, non-EBM electro groove with surprising flair and panache. That there isn't any other real experimentation on this album is another mark against it - had Rudy tried to broaden his horizons and fallen flat on his face (*coughskyshaper*), it'd be slightly more forgivable than releasing what sounds like a hastily assembled collection of sub-standard leftovers from the previous two albums. By the time album-closer "Nest" ends with what (I presume) is meant to sound like the buzz of a swarm of insects ("schädling" appropriately translates to "pest", according to Google), you'd be forgiven for mistaking it for the final flatulence of a slowly dying, decrepit old horse, and being thankful that the sad thing's finally given up the ghost.

Rudy claimed a while back that "Schädling" would be more uptempo than recent releases, and that he was returning to "Music For A Slaughtering Tribe"-style aggression with all tracks weighing in at 135 BPM or more. He might be technically right about the latter claim (this couldn't be "MFAST" part II even in bizarro world), but when the beats can't even evoke a single foot tap or head nod out of yr highly over-caffeinated writer (again, with the exception of "Hard To Bear"), hawking a record on the specs of its BPM isn't just moot, it's comically pathetic. Rudy recently flooded the market with a glut of reissues and remasterings of far stronger classic material, so if you've got a hankering to drop some cash on :w: produkt in '08, you've got loads of options beyond the limp and uninspired "Schädling". Strong recommendation to avoid.

The Prospects

Ubiquitous Nu-Industrial Juggernaut/Home for Major Label Cast Offs Metropolis Records has a loaded release schedule for the months of March and April. Aside from another two albums in the endless stream of KMFDM re-releases (seriously, I keep forgetting how many albums these guys put out), a single and full-length from electro also-rans Client and a B-Sides n' Remixes album from FLA, the big M also has releases slated for scene heavyweights Combichrist, Wumpscut, Assemblage 23, and VNV Nation. In the interest of judging albums I haven't heard yet, here's a quick rundown of what you might expect from these records based solely on 30 second sound clips, a few mp3s I came across and my own prejudices. Feel free to come back in May and call me out for completely getting it wrong.

Combichrist 'What the Fuck is Wrong With You People'
Icon of Coil frontman Andy Laplegua's last album under this moniker was some of the most obnoxiously catchy disposable EBM of recent years. The industrial club equivalent of cotton candy, it seems great at the time but is ultimately insubstantial. That said his 2006 single 'Get Your Body Beat' is probably the best stompy club jam of recent years and if the 30 second clip of the album's title track from Metro's website is indicative of anything, the album could actually be a barnstormer.

:Wumpscut: 'Body Census'
I didn't actually buy the last two :W: albums after betting badly burnt on the execrable 'Bone Peeler' (although I hear tell from my compatriots that 'Cannibal Anthem' was alright), so I can't say the impending release of 'Body Census' is a shoe-in to set my world on fire. Certainly, the easy to mock You Are A Goth is really kind of inexcusable and would seem to point to another stinker from Rudy. Then again, We Believe, We Believe is pretty decent, if the rest of the album leans towards the latter and stays well away from the former it could still end up being middling to fair.

Assemblage 23 'Meta'
Maybe it's the clubs I go to but it doesn't seem like the kind of emotive futurepop Tom Shear is known for is still getting a lot of play for the dancefloor. With that in mind, all the Ass 23 records have been strong from a songwriting perspective and have had impeccable production, there's no reason to think this one is going to be any different. Of the available samples on the band's Metropolis profile, I think the Covenant-like Dirt, a B-Side from the first single is the most promising sounding.

VNV Nation 'Judgement'
This one could really go any which way. The last album had some good songs, but didn't have the catchiness or appeal of their monster second and third records. Unlike the rest of the albums I'm being unfair to here, I haven't been able to locate so much as a snippet of music to judge it by. That said, their PR write up mentions that the song 'Nemesis' features "pounding bass-line and melody to its electric-guitar like synth sounds" which could be kind of neat. On the other hand, apparently 'Testament' "could be described as an electronic-indie anthem", which sounds awful but might make sense considering the fact they're playing Coachella this year.

Ostro or Visi?

Sound samples are up on Metropolis' website for Wumpscut's forthcoming "Goth Census" single. All of it sounds pretty standard for das :Wump:, but of particular note is the snippet of a Yendri club mix of the amusingly titled 'You are a Goth'. Being that Rudy hasn't had a ubiquitous club hit since 'Wreath of Barbs', it might well be that he's invoking Razed in Black's Law: "Any song using the word 'Goth' in it's name or lyrics shall receive mad spins in the club, regardless of quality or suitability for that purpose."* Which isn't to say that it won't be a good club jam, although personally I'd feel pretty ridiculous dancing to a song with lyrics like "This is your race/You are a Goth". Also, does anyone else find it odd that Pope Ratzinger tapped Yendri for not one but three remixes on the single? He's been using her pretty steadily for two albums now, but it’s not like her remixes on the limited editions of Evoke or Cannibal Anthem set the world on fire. Who does he think she is, haujobb or something?

*Seriously, before "Oh My Goth!" RiB were mostly known for providing filler on Cleopatra's increasingly ridiculous "A Gothic Tribute to Whomever" series. Which is kind of a shame, because they had some really good tracks, 'Damaged' specifically was a really good club record.

2006 in Review, Part 1

I'll be posting reviews of records released in the past year which made an impression, or failed to, in three parts, culminating with my favourites. Up first: the decent and the awful.

:wumpscut:, "Cannibal Anthem"
The second law of Ratzingarian physics is clear enough. Preserving the original Elizabethan spelling (while :w: did not come into being until the late 20th century, its theoretical groundwork was established centuries earlier by John Dee, in his little known gnostic text "The Lawes of Rivetting and There Applicashun," originally thought to be a cryptographical diatribe against metalworking guilds), it is as follows:

":w: recordes shalle vary in there quality in binary fashun: there can be no bunkerator withoute boese junges fleisch, no embriodede withoute evocation. Lette any man who sayeth otherwyse be subject to bone pealer on repeate."

(The first law, of course, reads that "You shalle notte compleate one songe without grieving the Englishe tongue by way of heinous mispronounciasion or awkwarde metaphore. Perfection is notte of this worlde and alle industrial recordes have sinned and falle shorte of the glory of "Fronte By Fronte.")

While many have tried to interpret the second law as meaning that the quality of :wumpscut: releases alternate in quality in a binary fashion, there's nothing inherent in the law that states that the records will oscillate between sucking and ruling, and such a myopic point of view ignores the double-whammy of awfulness that was "Evoke" following "Bone Peeler." Those who try to customize the :w: discography to fit their own historical agendas (cherrypicking European vs stateside release dates, incorporating remix albums and previously unreleased compilations at will) are revisionists of the worst kind.

Instead, the law merely indicates that a balance must be maintained between the good and the evil in the catalog. Previous to "Cannibal Anthem," there were four major releases in each camp, making this a record which could easily upset the balance. The verdict? "Cannibal Anthem" is good, but thankfully, not overbearingly so. Beginning with some classic cold crunch n' yowl of the "Slaughtering" era ("Wir Warten," the album begins work in many of the electro elements that dominated the last two (abominable) records, but with much more taste and subtlety, blending them with the more loop riff-based material found on the interminable "previously unreleased" compilations. I think "Jesus Antichristus" is trying to sound like "Assimilate," but ends up being much closer to "Doctorin' The Tardis." Not that there's anything wrong with that. The end result is an album you'll pull two or three tracks from for mixed playlists or DJing, but will also find its way onto your speakers once or twice a year, possibly while you're cooking pasta.

If we expect the second law to persevere (and who'd question John Dee?), then we can look forward to a record that's the complete inverse of "Cannibal Anthem" in 2007. Something brash and embarassing which may contain a sleeper dancefloor hit eight months after its release. What's on deck, Rudy? Ah: "Body Census," with lead single "Goth Census" presumably being a hybrid of the title track and other album cut (no, I'm not joshing you) "You Are A Goth." Gee, this just smacks of restraint and quality control. I'm interested in the methodology and nature of the "Goth Census." Is it determinative, ie: check "yes" or "no" on the goth census so I can say with conviction that "You are a goth"? Or is it proscriptive, ie: I know that "You are a goth" and are ergo mandated by the Goth Domestication and Naturalization Act of 1988 (passed in the wake of Spike wearing a Mission t-shirt in the Degrassi Junior High opening credits) to complete and submit the goth census? I can't wait to hear how Ratzinger addresses key domestic issues such as cassis shortages making snakebite in short supply and the current administration's inability to bring Valor Kand to justice for the commission of Atrocities against humanity.
---

Covenant, "Skyshaper"
It's a shame when what seems to be the first real experiment by a band whose success is almost wholly due to craft falls flat on its face. Such is the case with "Skyshaper." After album after album of increasingly refined dancefloor gold, the boys in the sharp suits got it into their heads to shoot the moon and gamble it all on quirky sounds, new structures and whatnot. Unfortunately, the end result is a gelatinous mess which shuffles about aimlessly, never yielding purpose or beauty, which is all the more tragic given the apparent zeal with which they laboured through this project. "Ritual Noise" is a par-for-the-course Covenant dancefloor track which has been remixed quite nicely on several occasions, but as a rule we've got tracks polished to abstraction with very little substance. And the lyrics. Oh my. "Sweet and salty / Tears of joy / Liquid lies / Cheeks on fire / Loud and noisy / Girls and boys / Ancient rites /Late at night" When Ratzinger engages in this sort of mutilation of the English language, at least there's the vocal distortion to muffle the effect. With Eskil's deadpan baritone front and centre, there's no way to avoid the lyrics' pained awkwardness, which is endemic to "Skyshaper" as a whole.
---

Panzer AG, "Your World Is Burning"
Or, as I like to say, your bagel's been in the toaster too long. I'm of the opinion that every single one of LaPlegua's records under the various monikers up until this one is solid and matches the respective aesthetics and purposes of each name he records under. Fine. So how does adding leek soup thin alterna-geetar and keening rock radio song structures follow suit from the war-themed stomp-fest that was "This Is My Battlefield?" Ah. It doesn't. We all have our off days.
---

Clan Of Xymox, "Breaking Point"
...And this might the titular moment at which I part ways with future Xymox releases. I don't even grudge Ronny Moorings for shifting gears from the heart-rending atmosphere of the 4AD material; he was able to release one truly exceptional "modern" goth record with an eye to the dancefloor ("Hidden Faces"), but it's been eight years since the reappending of the "Clan Of" prefix to the band's name and "Hidden Faces" is about all there is to show for it. This is calculated to the point of banality, and aimed at an audience that has no reason to care anymore. What have you done for me lately? A cruel question, but a fair one once you've put out four consecutive mediocre records.
---

Gary Numan, "Jagged"
Like Ronny Moorings, Numan's settled into a comfortable niche within a subgenre that formed in his absence from the spotlight. Numan seems to be able to churn out chugga-chug industrial rock accented by his whispering wail in his sleep (although this missive was delayed by almost three years). As far as I'm concerned, he's more than earned that right after having been a commercial and critical pariah for over a full decade. Having seen younger bands who dominated while he languished, it's only fair that he draw upon them upon his return as they did him. That being said, there's nothing particularly essential about this, his fourth record post-comeback in black. There's nothing wrong with it either, per se, but unless yr a devotee yr better off checking out "Exile" or "Pure," both of which cover most of the same territory with some better tunes.

Point of interest! The website of a Christian Numan fan whose broken ranks with the Numanoids due to the anti-religious sturm und drang of the last four releases. Warning: a "Cars" MIDI will start playing at you.